Daring, n. One of the most conspicuous qualities of a man in security.

Geology, n. The science of the earth's crust - to which, doubtless, will be added that of its interior whenever a man shall come up garrulous out of a well. The geological formations of the globe already noted are catalogued thus: the Primary, or lower one, consists of rocks, bones of mired mules, gas-pipes, miner's tools, antique statues minus the nose, Spanish doubloons and ancestors. The Secondary is largely made up of red worms and moles. The Tertiary comprises railway tracks, patent pavements, grass, snakes, mouldy boots, beer bottles, tomato cans, intoxicated citizens, garbage, anarchists, snap-dogs and fools.

Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbour. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

Self-esteem, n. An erroneous appraisement.

Ugliness, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.


Ambrose Bierce, in The Devil’s Dictionary