O MacGuffin: As notícias sobre o óbito foram manifestamente exageradas

domingo, março 19, 2006

As notícias sobre o óbito foram manifestamente exageradas

Dia 19 de Março: dia do pai. O meu dia.

Dia 19 de Março de 2006: dia em que o Contra a Corrente faz três anos.

Lamento desiludir os que vislumbraram no teaser “Faltam x dias”, a dramaturgia da queda ou o prenúncio de algo aparatoso e espectacular, género “Contra a Corrente lança OPA sobre O Espectro”. Nada disso. Anuncio ao auditório algo simples e sem importância: o Contra a Corrente está de volta. Para o bem e para o mal.

Calling All Bores
Next Tuesday, Tedium House, headquarters of the British Boring Board of control (BBBC), will be the Mecca for all aficionados of the yawn game. Once again its majestic indoor arena will be the venue for the Christmas tournament in which paladins of the comatose art do battle for the Herbert Trance Trophy, named, of course, after our revered president, Sir Herbert Trance.
As well as top class British ennui maestros, there will be wizards of lethargy from the four corners of the earth: Jean-Pierre Cafard of Canada, Grant Coma Jr of the United States, Antonin Bvorak of the Czech Republic, Bengt Snorresen of Sweden, R.S. Nattarcharya of India and, last but not least, Shloime ben Chloroform (“Glorious Shloime”) wonder bore of Israel.
The set theme this year is “The Future of the Tory Party”. How will foreign champions, for whom this will be mostly uncharted territory, deploy their artistry to weave enchanted webs of tedium and reduce the cognoscenti to semi-conscious delight? Truly a battle of the Titans!
Will they use the fashionable “gay rights” gambit which enterprising bores are now deploying to such devastating effect? Long banned by diehard elements in the BBBC top brass, this gambit, particularly when combined with Tory politics, can deliver a knockout dose of ennui from which bores on the losing end may take days to recover.
The climax of next week’s proceedings will be the traditional Grand Bal. Masqué, held in the great chandelier-infested ballroom of Tedium House, when devotees of Morpheus will revolve in stately saraband or caper in lively polka until the daylight hours. All proceeds go to Yawnaway, the BBBC’s Home for Retired Bores at Redhill, Surrey – a most worthy cause.”

Michael Wharton, aka Peter Simple

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